So Near but Far Away

Through the years of silence i began to think I hated you. And all those hours you would scream i began to think i hated you. Living with you but never talking to you made me think i hated you. You were never there for anything. And i hated you for it. I had to realize that you would never be there. I hated knowing that although you were only in the other room, a few feet away from me, we still haven't spoken in weeks. I hated that people never knew you.

I don't ever remember you hugging me, kissing me, or saying "I love you" ever in my life. I thought it was all my fault. Then i realized that there's nothing wrong with me, so i started to blame you.

But it wasn't your fault.

I understand that you just are the way you are. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. All those years i thought i hated you, i really hated myself for not being close to you. I hated the silence, and the screaming, and the distance. And i still do. I'll never stop hating it. I'll never stop hating everything that we are.

but, i always remember the best advice you ever gave to me: 

"Dont waste time worry about the small things, you will miss out in the best things"

well, i do miss you right now.................